The Value of Grief -- Last Time I Talked With Cousin Jeff! (Includes video reading with music!)

St. Mary's Cemetery Richland Center, WI 

        A friend in distress called this morning.  Suicide had taken a family friend.  Suicide rates are up with the economic turmoil created by the Pandemic.  Last fall another friend lost a brother to suicide. Evidently his brother's failing business drove him over the edge. As someone who has experienced his own dark night of the soul I understand the pain and suffering that could lead to such a bleak conclusion. I feel lucky for I found help and learned to turn those feelings of shame, worthlessness and desperation over to The Power That Flows Through All Things. God is one of the  names frequently used for that power! Losses pummel us, soften us, open the door to the heart that can break from the sorrows of life yet heal in loving through those sorrows. Sorrow opens the door to greater compassion for others struggling.... when we recall what our desperation felt like. (To view the video with music and hear this blog read click on the link; The Value of Grief)

 Last Time I Talked With Cousin Jeff!

Was after his mother,

Aunt Phyllis died,

Uncle Bob gone before,

We talked remembrances;

Of the Bird Farm,

Pheasant, Quail, Chukar,

Where he and his siblings grew,

I and my family visited;

Especially Christmas

For big family gatherings 

In the Club House;

As years pass

Families go their ways,

Yet, I reflect on my

Formative years,

In that large

Extended family of kin,

Realize the connection

And affection given

By Aunts, Uncles 

And Cousins

Feel lucky,

Even blessed;

Jeff had lost a son

To suicide and

The last thing 

He said to me,

"I hope you

Don't freak, but

I've learned to always say,

Love you!" 

Now wet eyes,

Tears, as grief comes,

In Loving Memory of Cousin Jeff

And

Appreciation for  all my relatives;

        Over 500,000 thousand Americans have died so far from Covid 19. Many families have lost loved ones. A  nephew lost his father in-law. His wife her father.  Some people survive the initial round of Covid suffer lingering long term debilitating affects.  Even parents who still have work must deal with home/virtual learning as schools have had to limit in class schooling to reduce the spread of Covid.  Life has been turned upside down. Normal now: 1) Always wear a mask when in public spaces.; 2) Try to maintain six foot spacing when in public spaces;  3)Wash your hands with sanitizer; 4) Avoid public gatherings; 5) Don't hug grandchildren.  I miss hugging grandchildren. 

        Many sorrows in life.  As a culture we do not grieve well. We frequently stuff feelings rather than letting tears flow. I had to learn the value of grief, of feeling the sadness and tears that can well up when loss occurs. The following poem from a few years back expresses that grief work. 

Warming To Spring!

Warming to spring,

Sitting in a friend's drive

While cardinals sing,

Stiff in blue air,

Buds line limbs

Swell toward leaves;

Feeling memories rise;

Old friends gone by,

A boy who never was,

Winter killed frogs

Rise,

To surface,

On top

Of the pond;

Old grief's melt

Like dirty snow

On my cheeks;

I'm warming 

To spring;

    My wife's parents are buried in St Mary's Cemetery in Richland Center. Several times each year we visit their graves. The cross, more than just representing Christianity exists as a universal archetypal symbol. Draw a curved line from each end of the cross and an approximate circle becomes evident. The circle represents wholeness. The universal nature of the cross represents what it means to be a fully developed human being. That development requires stretching  and growth in all quadrants. Grief acknowledges loss and the vulnerability that we all share. Honest suffering fosters the growth of compassion. We only grieve what we love. Grief can open the door to appreciate a longer more distant view of life. A view that stretches me to look at the chain of being; all my ancestors, mother, father, grandparents back toward the dawn of time. Those who brought me into this human form. Peering forward the view stretches me too look beyond the grave. That point when this my body returns to earth and I go onto what comes next. I hope and pray that the future on earth stretches out for my children and grandchildren.

    Shortly after my last conversation with cousin Jeff  I learned recently that he had suffered a stroke. Debilitated he lived in a nursing home the last two years of his life.  I too carry the best of cousin Jeff, friends who've gone on, and all my relatives. Love You Too! 

Thank You Friends for Joining Me -- May Peace & Serenity Be Yours!   Tony

Ps: About this blog & video.  All the pictures were taken at St Mary's Cemetery in Richland Center. The background music created by me on a Zager acoustic guitar.