Ground Hog Whisperer & Spring Wildflowers -- Humor & Beauty

                                                          Groundhog Listening to Whispers

        While moving slowly from Dutchman Breeches to Woods Anemone on a recent outing in search of spring beauty, suddenly this Groundhog popped up halfway out of its dug burrow. Not considered beautiful to we two legged beings, yet certainly robustly plump and attractive to another four pawed Groundhog this Whistle Pig posed for several still photos as I whispered softly urging her to come out fully and commune with me and the wildflowers on an eighty degree day. Ah, but she seemed reluctant to fully expose herself. Maybe heat made her reluctant to leave the burrow that had to be cooler. Maybe she had a litter of young! Soon she popped back down into the hole. Assuming I wouldn't see her again I moved closer. Suddenly she popped back up and I began whispering. "Come, come on, come on now, all the way out. I'm just a harmless two legged man who never ever thought of eating Groundhog. (I checked my memory banks, found this statement to actually be true. Which surprised me being a dedicated omnivore myself. In my neck of the woods growing up we called Groundhogs Varmints and it never crossed my mind to eat a Varmint or a Skunk. But did she believe me?) Yes, listen you are perfectly safe with me. I'm not even hungry. Only armed with a cell phone and my wits which generally I keep about me not knowing what else to do with them." 

         Next I switched from photo to video mode all the time whispering to this American made Wisconsin Groundhog urging her to come out to fully commune with myself and the wildflowers. 

        

   

Woods Anemone 

Pink Dutchman Breeches

     Fun facts about Groundhogs. First off they hate being called Woodchucks. I interviewed one once who spoke forcefully. "What an insult. No self respecting Groundhog has ever chucked any wood at all. Sure ate some, but never chucked any."  Groundhogs are omnivores. Meaning like we human omnivores they will eat almost anything: 1) Anything in your garden; 2) Insects; 3) Bird's eggs' 4) Baby Birds; 5) A Mayor's ear; 

                 As you are no doubt aware every February 2 each year some Groundhogs are forced to report about seeing or not seeing their shadow. 

Which theoretically relates to how many weeks of winter are left. This has become a photo op for politicians. In 2014 the mayor of Sun Prairie, Wisconsin held Jimmy the Groundhog to his ear to learn the status of Jimmy's shadow. Jimmy promptly bit him on the ear.  

Hepatica

 

Marsh Marigolds

          Some animal rights observers took this as an obvious protest. After all how cruel they said to pull a warm contented hibernating Groundhog out of their burrow then pretend that that same Groundhog is going to report if it saw its shadow or not. Definitely animal abuse of the worst kind. Who wouldn't bite him on the ear if they got a chance. And why should a Groundhog be forced to learn English?  

 

Phlox

            

        Luckily I interviewed Jimmy after this incident. Jimmy said, "Sure I was cranky. Just woke up from a deep hibernating slumber. I'd lost three pounds or more. Man was I  hungry. His ear, the first thing I could get ahold of."

        Then I asked Jimmy about predicting the end of winter or the start of spring. Many have noted that your predictions were extremely accurate. "I take great pride in my accurate predictions. But look it ain't rocket science. Its either six more weeks of winter or six weeks till spring. Flip a freaking coin. Now leave me alone or lend me a piece of your ear." 

Trout Lily

        More Groundhog factoids:  A Groundhog is much bigger than a mouse or a squirrel. They're in the same family with squirrels but had a parting of the ways several million years ago and have never made up. To put this in perspective consider that in our family tree our closets relatives are Chimpanzees. We parted ways several million years ago when we began wearing fig leaves. Chimpanzees disagreed and remain nudists to this day.  Groundhogs climb well but are not as agile as squirrels. Weighing on average a bit over ten pounds, jumping from limb to limb is considered an evolutionary dead end. Their scientific name is Marmota monax. They're first cousins to Marmots. Marmots though took the high road clambering up mountains to live among rocks while Groundhogs took the low road seeking rich fertile, loose soil to dig burrows in. They seldom communicate or have family reunions because they can't agree on the local for such a reunion. 

Bloodroot

  First scientifically described by Carl Linnaeus in 1758 as if they didn't exist before then. At  approximately twenty-five inches when full grown their average life span is three years, but they can live up to six years in the wild. They have a busy tail, dark beady eyes and short round ears. They're most active a dawn and dusk. They hibernate beginning in October or November and emerge mid to late February. Thus underlining the wrongful nature of politicians waking them up on February 2, just for a photo op. They eat more than a pound a day. They pack it in for the long winter nap. A North American species they range up into Canada even up into Alaska. They may whistle to warn others of danger or at a passing female Groundhog they find attractive. (Only during mating season.) 

     

           A strange factoid that is absolutely True. No crossed fingers not a single exaggeration on this. Some Groundhogs in the State of Ohio have become archeologists. Believe it or not Ripley.  Located north of the City of Delaware in Ohio is the Ufferman Site also known as the A. Sawyer Site (why I don't know) an archaeological site of the Cole culture of the later Woodland period from 800 to 1300 years ago. Groundhogs discovered the site when digging burrows. They uncovered, human bones, pottery and bits of worked stone. That's right all right, Groundhogs discovered the site.

             Another unbelievable factoid, Groundhogs volunteer in medical research on hepatitis B induced liver cancer because chimpanzees being nudists are an endangered species. They also research obesity, energy balance, the endocrine system, reproduction, (now a touchy subject as to be or not) neurology, cardiovascular disease, cerebrovascular disease and neoplastic disease. Of course they contribute to understanding hibernation since they're experts in the field. 

            Soon the Groundhog lady resurfaced poking her head cautiously out of the burrow.  Once again I tried to coaxed her out. "Listen it's absolutely true I never once thought about eating a Groundhog. Growing in my family culture Groundhogs were considered Varmints. Never thought once about wanting to eat a varmint like a skunk. And let my add that I've learned that Groundhogs volunteer to do medical research to help we humans." 

    Then I hear a direct reply. A direct communication from the Groundhog.  "Volunteer my ass. They trapped Uncle Clawd and Aunt Hairryet  carried 'em off to be volunteered." 

    I understood then that I had erred. This Groundhog was obviously male. "One thing else calling me a Varmint demonstrates your unmitigated prejudice, lack of sensitivity training and basic human arrogance. Just go fly a kite!"  

Listening To Whispers

            She/he went underground again and I decided to let it be. My whispering had been a partial success when considering that the Groundhog half out of the hole is like the glass half full. At least that's how I spin it.  You too can learn to be a Groundhog Whisperer. Listen for what the Ground has to say before the Groundhogs does what they do so well -- Disappear Underground! Ps: Don't put your ear close to the hole while whispering especially if you're well endowed with a fleshy ear lobe. 

Wild Plum 

                Thank you for joining me and remember to stop and smell the perfume exuded by the Wild Plum now in full blossom.  (Unfortunately no scratch and sniff app exists.)   

Anthony G. Hendricks, author, poet, nature lover -- naturally;  Buddha Blues, recently published with a great cover created by his Sister Judith; available at Amazon as print on demand or as an e book at Amazon or Kobo. With formatting help on cover and interior by Woven Red. Other books The Wasteland Revisited, a book length poem about the dystopia causing global warming; available as an e book at Amazon; A Journey In The Human Dilemma, collected poetry and prose; trade paper back.